On The Question of Lovin' It
Saturday, March 05, 2005
If you're not a good reader, listen to this piece through WBEZ.
I'd estimate that when I was in eleventh grade, I ate about two thirds of my meals at McDonald's. Back in the halcyon days of 1994, you could still smoke there, whereas you could not smoke in the cafeteria of my boarding school. That year, I ate around 200 orders of large fries and smoked 1,500 cigarettes at the golden arches, and you'll never guess what happened to me: I didn't die.
Either I am indestructible, or the guy from Super Size Me is a whiny brat who throws himself into a tizzy every time a little piece of his liver stops working. The fact of the matter is that McDonald's is as American as the rectangular apple pies it serves and the moms it underemploys. And today, we mourn America's loss, because every time a friendly, neighborhood place like the Rock 'n Roll McDonald's shuts down, an artery in the circulatory system of our great nation gets clogged.
Will no one think of the hideously inaccurate airbrushed portraits of celebrities? This place is a landmark, people! A landmark opened in 1983! Can't Mayor Daley do something about this? If not, can't the Chicago Reader write a breathless story about how the failure to save the historical Rock n Roll McDonald's proves the stunning fact that the Daley administration cares more about money than about architecture?
Fortunately, they aren't going to totally destroy the corner of Ohio and Clark by building, like, a Burger King or a Wendy's. Instead, Ronald and Grimace and other non-union workers are going to build a new McDonald's on the gravesite of the old one. And even a sentimental, change-phobic crank like myself has to admit the new restaurant will be sort of awesome.
It will have high-speed Internet access, for instance, allowing me to visit WebMD and read about the symptoms of heart failure while eating my Big Mac. And the new restaurant will feature long, communal tables instead of the small, private ones we're used to. It will be just like the cafeteria in fourth grade, except without fruits and vegetables, which is a shame, because by far the best part of my fourth grade cafeteria was Eric Piercy using a banana to explain a certain act that some presidents think is sex and other presidents think is not sex. All the other parts of the fourth grade cafeteria were torture, but I'm sure communal seating will work great at McDonald's. If there's one group of strangers I trust, it's "strangers who eat at McDonald's downtown even though there are dozens of reasonably priced, gastronomically superior restaurants within a three-block radius."
But of course, one will not go to the new McDonald's merely to eat. To quote an architect on the project, the new McDonald's will be "a place to see and be seen." Specifically, to see, and be seen by, overweight families from Wisconsin. And, of course, you won't be able to smoke. Ah, the inexorable march of progress. I'm lovin' it, indeed.
I'd estimate that when I was in eleventh grade, I ate about two thirds of my meals at McDonald's. Back in the halcyon days of 1994, you could still smoke there, whereas you could not smoke in the cafeteria of my boarding school. That year, I ate around 200 orders of large fries and smoked 1,500 cigarettes at the golden arches, and you'll never guess what happened to me: I didn't die.
Either I am indestructible, or the guy from Super Size Me is a whiny brat who throws himself into a tizzy every time a little piece of his liver stops working. The fact of the matter is that McDonald's is as American as the rectangular apple pies it serves and the moms it underemploys. And today, we mourn America's loss, because every time a friendly, neighborhood place like the Rock 'n Roll McDonald's shuts down, an artery in the circulatory system of our great nation gets clogged.
Will no one think of the hideously inaccurate airbrushed portraits of celebrities? This place is a landmark, people! A landmark opened in 1983! Can't Mayor Daley do something about this? If not, can't the Chicago Reader write a breathless story about how the failure to save the historical Rock n Roll McDonald's proves the stunning fact that the Daley administration cares more about money than about architecture?
Fortunately, they aren't going to totally destroy the corner of Ohio and Clark by building, like, a Burger King or a Wendy's. Instead, Ronald and Grimace and other non-union workers are going to build a new McDonald's on the gravesite of the old one. And even a sentimental, change-phobic crank like myself has to admit the new restaurant will be sort of awesome.
It will have high-speed Internet access, for instance, allowing me to visit WebMD and read about the symptoms of heart failure while eating my Big Mac. And the new restaurant will feature long, communal tables instead of the small, private ones we're used to. It will be just like the cafeteria in fourth grade, except without fruits and vegetables, which is a shame, because by far the best part of my fourth grade cafeteria was Eric Piercy using a banana to explain a certain act that some presidents think is sex and other presidents think is not sex. All the other parts of the fourth grade cafeteria were torture, but I'm sure communal seating will work great at McDonald's. If there's one group of strangers I trust, it's "strangers who eat at McDonald's downtown even though there are dozens of reasonably priced, gastronomically superior restaurants within a three-block radius."
But of course, one will not go to the new McDonald's merely to eat. To quote an architect on the project, the new McDonald's will be "a place to see and be seen." Specifically, to see, and be seen by, overweight families from Wisconsin. And, of course, you won't be able to smoke. Ah, the inexorable march of progress. I'm lovin' it, indeed.
Comments:
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January 31, 2006 • Kelly said...
First of all, I want to say: CLEAN OUT YOUR COMMENTS!!Look at all that trash!
Second, I would like to tell you the story of a book discussion of a certain book that I will call "Searching for California" where many main characters smoke a lot of cigarettes.
I was among a large group of librarians and booksellers who meet once a month to discuss books, and most of us were raving about "Searching for California" (deservedly, since it ended up winning and award I will call the 'Princess'). However, a few women who might be a few... or more... years older than me... were complaining about the fact that there was so much smoking in the book. Some people, like me, argued that the smoking, while not medically advisable, made the book more authentic and real. Well, some of these people did not buy my explaination and were determined to complain to publishers about smoking in children's books... (I bet they are biting their tongues now since the award that I call the 'Princess' was awarded!).
Anyway, as I read and listened to this post, I realized that I was right! You went to bording school in Alabama, and you smoked!! (I also noticed the mention of Nicoret in another section of your webpage) So, the reason for the smoking in the book is because boarding school kids in Alabama *really do smoke*!! It make it real, like in real life!
This is all to say that your book really rocks! I loved it and knew from the moment that I read it that it would win a big award (maybe even the 'Princess') since it was the best YA book (or book of any kind) that I had read in years. And, kids, don't smoke... but authors, go ahead and write about it. It keeps it real!
May 12, 2006 • Jonathan Stephens said...
Yeah, what's that miketaft comment garbage?
Entertained. I loved the word "gastronomically." Ha!
And your line -- "an artery in the circulatory system of our great nation gets clogged" -- fitting.
I personally think you might have something with that indestructible thing. I haven't been able to eat MceeDees since high school football. Didn't taste near as good the second time. And coach would always ask which combo I bought this time.