Briefly
Sarah and I are moving (back) to New York, so we are going to be driving a hilariously overstuffed rental car for the next two days. Then I will be flying (back) to Chicago, to continue the medieval torture that is modern oral surgery for another week.
But before I go, one thing: I HAVE FOUND A MORTAL ENEMY! Woo hoo. My mortal enemy's name is D. Brown. I don't know anything else about him/her, but s/he wrote a mean review of Looking for Alaska (the first, amazingly, the book has gotten on any book-buying web site) yesterday:
"In brief, I find Green's novel flippant and explicit in its treatment of adolescent sexuality and substance abuse, transparently designed to titillate adolescent boys, and both egregious and hypocritical in its objectification of young women. Stay away."
(By the way, if I wanted to 'titillate' [which is a hilarious word] adolescent boys, why would I have written the least erotic, most utterly failed, most horribly unpleasant blow job scene in the history of young adult literature? If you found one moment of that scene titillating, D. Brown, you are truly a disgusting pervert.)
Now the question: Who is D. Brown? Could it be Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code? If so, I'm honored he read and hated my book, since I have read and hated his. If not, I look forward to reading D. Brown's books so that I can trash them in print. The war begins, sir! Or possibly ma'am!
Anyway, the blogging will be spotty for the next week or so, but then I'll return to form, hopefully pain-free. Anyway, how can you miss me if I never leave?
But before I go, one thing: I HAVE FOUND A MORTAL ENEMY! Woo hoo. My mortal enemy's name is D. Brown. I don't know anything else about him/her, but s/he wrote a mean review of Looking for Alaska (the first, amazingly, the book has gotten on any book-buying web site) yesterday:
"In brief, I find Green's novel flippant and explicit in its treatment of adolescent sexuality and substance abuse, transparently designed to titillate adolescent boys, and both egregious and hypocritical in its objectification of young women. Stay away."
(By the way, if I wanted to 'titillate' [which is a hilarious word] adolescent boys, why would I have written the least erotic, most utterly failed, most horribly unpleasant blow job scene in the history of young adult literature? If you found one moment of that scene titillating, D. Brown, you are truly a disgusting pervert.)
Now the question: Who is D. Brown? Could it be Dan Brown, author of The Da Vinci Code? If so, I'm honored he read and hated my book, since I have read and hated his. If not, I look forward to reading D. Brown's books so that I can trash them in print. The war begins, sir! Or possibly ma'am!
Anyway, the blogging will be spotty for the next week or so, but then I'll return to form, hopefully pain-free. Anyway, how can you miss me if I never leave?
posted by John Green at
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
15 Comments:
Titilate is one of those words that makes me giggle, sorta like giggle makes me giggle.
Congrats on the nemisis, and good luck with the teeth.
If you require a diet in liquid form, I am quite fond of Champion Nutritions Chocolate Fudge powder protein. It helped me loose 40 lbs, and maybe just maybe it will help you avoid looseing that much if your mouth is not in chewing form.
John don't take D. Brown seriously because obviously he/she has forgotten how awkward everyone's first sexual experience is. Its almost everything but titilating. Plus look at your stats. There is always bound to be a nut job out there.
plus you seem to have lots of friends with excellent senses of humour, so this might just be mr westerfeld, for instance, having you on. not saying it's him, mind, but 'd. brown'? come on, that must be a pseudonym.
Green's blog is overly concerned with issues dental and realish, and he seems obsessed with the acquisition of enemies and crushes. The detailed rendering of his oral surgeries reminds the reader that, above all, Green finds mouth-pain exhilerating, and wants to share his pseudo-sexual agony with us in entry after entry. Stay away.
Dan Brown is a red herring, as he lives in New Hampshire.
Your prime suspect should be one Daniel Brown, of Bernardston Elementary School. But the only way to be sure is to call him.
If it's not him, it's probably Dee Brown of the Boston Celtics. NBA players famously hate explicit substance abuse and egregious objectification of young women.
To be fair, one could argue that the act in question is pretty much the most inherently titillating act imaginable, as long as blood isn't drawn. (In the latter instance, of course, there's an automatic five-minute major penalty.) A realistic depiction of the awkwardness of the circumstances only adds to the realism and thus the titillation. IMHO.
Or am I forgetting that blood was indeed drawn?
That is too hilarious. I hated Dan Brown's book.
Dear John,
Dan incorrectly assumed that Miles' girfriend got no gratification from performing oral sex. I think it might cum(!) as a BIG surprise to him that many women like giving blow jobs and making their boyfriends happy. What I want to know is what Alternate Reality is Dan living in?
You sir are completely and totally evil. Evil. Looking for Alaska, which I JUST finished reading (and blogging about) mere minutes ago, SMOTE me. Absolutely smote me. I am destroyed.
Keep up the good work. Seriously.
D. Brown turns out to be a formidable opponent.
On a related note, I am a bad friend.
If D. Brown is really Dan Brown, why would he trash somebody else's hard work? On the other hand, the book comes from a guy who got dumped 53 times, and I think it's pretty good since this Green must have experience with women. The best part is emotional part.
Thank you!
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Hey John don't worry about the mean comments you get. I know, or I have a pretty good idea of where you are coming from with Looking for Alaska. And when I read your book I felt less alone in the world because I knew that someone out there has probably had similiar life experiences... and I am not talking about what happens to Alaska or blow jobs.
Erin
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